Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
