are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
