I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize