i always forget guys have bellybuttons
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
