Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
