if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
