I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
