i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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