Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
