Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
