I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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