the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
