Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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