there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
