Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
