i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
