p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize