I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
