very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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