i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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