Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My ass is underappreciated
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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