just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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