he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
