Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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