feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
