i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
