I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
