yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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