dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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