just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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