is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
organizing the empties. That sober.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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