I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
