wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
