there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
