We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
