I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
