I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh god it's open bar.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
