rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
