if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
