To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
