i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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