There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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