My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize