I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
