Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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