I love black thongs
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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