I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
