dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize