He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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