He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
