it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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