$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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