Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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