i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
