I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
