Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
