he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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