somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
why is half of my head shaved?
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