No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
