This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize