im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Im part way to drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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