Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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