I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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