Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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