Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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