I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
