I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
