You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
