So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize