Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
