As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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