Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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