Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
