so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
