yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
