she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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