I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
