i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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