coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
