the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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