okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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