I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
so much tequila, so little girl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
