It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
