well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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