I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize