Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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