is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
